Are you really listening?

I’ve been reflecting recently on how effectively we actually communicate with each other. Being distanced from friends and family over this prolonged period of time has taken its toll on many of us, and we have sadly missed the enjoyment of face to face interaction.

Ways of communicating have progressed enormously over the centuries: from smoke signals to pigeon post; snail mail to electrical telegraph. More recently we have had the telephone and now of course text messaging and video messaging. But do we really communicate any better? Thank goodness for video messaging during lockdown. It has enabled us to continue with business and keep in touch with family. Texting too has its place, although messages can sometimes be misconstrued. In the end, nothing beats speaking face to face.

I think much of our failure to communicate effectively stems from the inability to listen. We only half listen, or are thinking of something else at the time. Perhaps we’re already planning our reply instead of giving thought to what the other person is saying.

My husband over many years has mastered the art of pretending to listen. He is very skilled at this game, and can make the appropriate ‘yeah’, ‘I know’ and ‘aah’ in all the right places, but when questioned in more depth it becomes obvious he has only been listening with half an ear, if that! Although we laugh about this, it can be a serious problem in many relationships.

So however we are communicating with others, by letter, email, phone, text, message, video message or face to face, let’s make an effort to listen carefully and patiently, so that we can really hear what the other person is saying.